Fix Me

Most nights are tough.

I lay there in darkness

overwhelmed by things I wish I didn't

think about.

This loneliness is eating at me. 

No one needs me, and I don't need anyone

-that's okay.

It's the haunting thought that

no one desires to have me.

No one requests to see me, more or less,

invite me anywhere.

My wellbeing isn't a second thought, for

no one is encouraged to check in on me.

I am always eerily alone, and 

I always have been.

Bubble baths and smooth sheets

hardly make up the absence

of love and comforting hugs.

The loud, thumping beat of my music

doesn't compare to the

missing words of affection that

I crave to hear. 

My reality is dull and flat.

It's a storm in the way negative thoughts

crack like thunder.

And endless sorrow falls like rain.

My motivation gets sucked away by

the continuous cold wind.

Grey clouds of depression cloak around me, keeping

my blue sky from peaking through. 

Grey, and sad, and gloomy-

is the sky I have become. 

The sad songs, aren't sad enough.

I've learned to fall asleep to 

the echo of my heart breaking, but

the demons of my mind still linger.

But in the middle of my chaos

there was you.

Maybe you can fix me.

Like you say, I can fix you.

4:17 AM

The both of us were swept with exhaustion,

but yet neither of us could manage to fall asleep.

The size of the bed, was barely big enough for both of us,

But that night, I learned that the less space

between us was always for the better.

The spattering and trickling sound of raindrops, from the broken rain drain from the roof,

was slowly becoming our favorite soundtrack. 

And every inch of your gentle skin

would soon become my safest place. 

But it was in the way you touched me that even

a novel of description couldn't do it justice. 

Those perfect lips, were becoming my favorite taste.

And how do I describe the way it seemed as though your

fingers were making love to the scars along my thighs?

Or how a part of me would somehow come alive,

when you would sigh right in my eardrum?

No matter how much it seemed we were drifting into slumber,

I would never forget a single detail,

because that was the moment 

that I knew I only wanted you.

3:44 AM

Every night,
My feelings seem to always wake me up.

And it's always at 3:44AM.

My feelings,
have taken over my soul.

And my soul,
can't seem to heal..

All the darkness that has burned within me,
doesn't seem to be fading.

I lay there at night,
feeling every crack my heart beats.

At 3:44

Pushing to fall back asleep.

I never understood
why I woke up,

at 3:44AM.

But as I would lay there longer,
I realized my thoughts

Were of you, and
that first kiss..

that started it all.